In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
