I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
