Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
