They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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