I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
