She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize