i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
