We're like a lot better than the average bears
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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