just tell him i said nine months
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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