I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
