just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
