3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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