I'm really into asian looking animals
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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