Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
