what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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