it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
