Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
