It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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