the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
