dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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