She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
These tits shall not be calmed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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