I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The beer is more important than you right now.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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