he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
