Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
