if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
