His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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