I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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