My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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