Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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