Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
