I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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