remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
