Don't you send me to vm
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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