You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
