let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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