the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
