She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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