I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
