Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
