Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
