The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
