Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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