im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
