no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
