I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
