I think im going to throw up on grandma
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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