He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
