how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
