Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
