there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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