worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
