Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
