just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize