Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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