my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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