I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
