Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
