You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
