Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize