saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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