Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize