He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
