marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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