That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
