I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
