it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize