You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
