I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
