I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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