dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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