it wasn't lemon gatorade
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
