apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
